Drama Queen

(Me at 17 backstage of a play, "Guys and Dolls")

I just found a box full of diaries. I used to write almost every night like crazy. We're talking elementary through high school up through living in NYC. They. Are. Amazing. I was so detailed, so descriptive. Intense, passionate...a young girl. I told my parents about finding them and they told me they always thought I'd grow up to be a writer. I was the girl whose teachers called to tell my parents I had something special, to keep an eye on my writing (and drawing). I used to take all kinds of advanced classes outside of school. In this box I came across a few short stories as well. One was a Vampire tale and boy does it suck I never tried to do anything with that. I was way ahead of Stephanie Meyer! As you know my life took a very different course, the course I'm sure it was meant to. But I think I'd like to dable in writing again! Who knows what and how, but a dable nonethelsess!

What I'm going to do over the next little while, mainly for entertainment sake, is post the stories and diary excerpts here! I will protect identities and locations but I think you'll get a kick out of them.

My sweetheart, as I read long passages to him, said forget "Jersey Shore"! There really needs to be a reality show on acting students in NYC living together in dorms, dating each other. Such drama! Such flowery language!

So stay tuned folks... you're going to get a VERY rare glimpse into my past lives!

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FUN! Play with me!

Ask away!

Procedure

Procedure. I prefer to use the term procedure rather than operation or surgery, I've decided. It sounds mysterious. Professional. It could mean anything.

As some of you know, I had a "procedure" on January 5th. I debated telling anyone (other than my close real life friends) or keeping it totally mum to my online universe. I figured in my few first days home it would be too hard to keep secret because the recovery is going to take a bit more time than I anticipated and being stuck in bed is boring as hell. Can't lie about my whereabouts for a month now, can I?

Ahhhh. A fine line of how personal and how private one must remain on the interweb!

First of all, it's nothing to worry about. I am fine. I'm healthy. Second of all, it's not boobies! LOL! That's often asked when a "procedure" is mentioned. Good god. If I wanted them I would have bought them by now. Believe it or not, there are chicks who are more than content with their boobies just the way they are. I am one and always have been! I'm a tiny, bony little body. I hate bras. I love that I don't have to wear them.

I'm not getting into any other details with regards to said "procedure".

What I will tell you is how things have been for one week now.

It was the most peaceful go to sleep / wake up I've ever had. I was out for a long time. I didn't feel the IV and anesthesia guy was wise to keep me engaged in conversation while it was inserted. As you guys have read in many other posts here, I am scared to death of doctors, needles, hospitals, etc. The staff was amazing. They treated me so well and were very comforting. I don't remember falling asleep. He said he was going to give me a little something to calm me down in my IV. I almost instantly felt drunk and then I was waking up. My sweetheart says we had a conversation but I don't remember anything!

Thank god this hospital let me sleep for a few hours before I had to go home. I have a hard time shaking it off and even trying to open my eyes.

I was given lortab for the pain and told I could take 1 or 2 every 4 hours. Pain pills kick my ass. Plus, I'm scared of them. I don't even like to take advil. I guess sometime the next day I asked for 1 and 1/2, meaning just that once...but my sweetheart gave me that dose every time not knowing. Needless to say, I remember nothing again.

He got sick. Sick sick sick.

Thought it was food poisoning from hospital food.

But thursday morning? I got it.

Flu.

Oh. My. God. I thought I was going to die. I've never felt worse in my entire life. It was terrible. It lasted from 6 am until the evening. I couldn't stop throwing up. If I wasn't already in enough pain. I didn't know if I would have to go back to the hospital or what. Eventually it left as quickly as it had come on and by that night I was able to eat a little soup and start again to get some strength back. I seriously can't tell you how horrific that day was. I feel like if I could live through that I can live through anything.

I have the best sweetheart and parents to take care of me right now, oh my god. The best.

I took one last half a pill this morning and that seems to be the last I'll have to take. I think I can handle it from here on out. I'm tougher than I think, once again.

My brain is only starting to truly unfog the last day or so. I can't really leave the house and I am stuck in bed watching tv, sleeping, hopefully catching up on reading now that I am not delirious.

It can really really really really suck to be cooped up like this. I get so antsy I can't stand it. I guess the control freak in me likes a break when it's on my terms. This has become an involuntary vacation and I don't like that. I'm really trying hard to give in and relax and embrace it but it's hard! It could very well be like this for the month. I pretty much hate it. Yet I know how I am and I bet by this time next month I'll forget how it felt. Which is why I thought I would write it.

So that's about it. No making videos, no live blog tv (which I do want to start up as soon as I can again). No hanging out. No running around. No photo shoots. No runway. It's killing me to have to turn things down right now. So frustrating. I've got to get up and about and soon! I literally have 7 effing photo shoots to do next month! Plus a Valentines day Voodoo Darlings performance plus start "Amerigo" rehearsals mid march, PLUS my sweethearts birthday is on January 27th! Argh.....!

So... send me good vibes and keep me sane and entertained while this is all going on!

Thanks for reading, friends!

xo Deena Marie

First of 2010 EBAY ITEMS!

RED BOMBSHELL PARTY DRESS!

Brand: Forever21

Size: Medium

Condition: Gently used (wore it in a photo shoot that involved water, it wasn't damaged in any way but just letting you know)! It's a size too big for me, I can't use it again.

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True Blood

Can you believe I'd never seen an episode of True Blood until three days ago?

You know how much I love Twilight and Vampire Diaries... so what's the problem?

It really was just one more thing to tivo when it started and it slipped by us.

After my play closed last week, I was looking forward to a week of lazy nothingness.

We downloaded the 2 seasons and have been holed up for 3 & 1/2 days having a marathon.

Absolutely love it.

So different from Twilight and Vampire Diaries. There's so much going on! So many characters! So many issues; race, religion, discrimination.

And what I love most of all is that Bill is a man, not a high school boy.

He was married once, he was a father. That aspect changes everything.

I wasn't sure what I thought the first few episodes, but when I fell completely in love with it was Sookies Gran's funeral. When she tried to speak at the funeral, and when she ate the pie by herself in the kitchen, then put on that white dress and as soon as it was dark her and Bill ran to each other. Not walked. Ran. And then they got together for the first time. Oh my god.

That was one of my favorite episodes of any series, ever (so was this years finale of Dexter - that's a whole different blog, I still haven't recovered from that one).

Other parts that really got me:

1.) Sookie waiting with Godric on the roof until the sun came up

2.) Bill rushing to save Sookie from Rene in the daylight and almost dying

3.) Bill having to bury himself and coming out out of the cemetary when Sookie was putting flowers on his grave

4.) Poor Lafayette going through post traumatic stress after being held captive in the basement of Fangtasia

5.) Bills proposal, starting with the tickets to Vermont.

Damn good series. I can't wait until June for season 3!

What I've learned this year...

To not make resolutions. At least not this year.

Too much pressure to change your life on one day of the year.

Resolutions can be made/kept/broken/changed/etc. any time, any day.

I'm stronger than I think. Physically, mentally & emotionally.

I'm more fragile than I think. Physically.

Just a human with one body. Be good to yourself with every passing year.

To not have to plan every detail and know what's going to happen right this second.

Let the wind take me where it may. It's full of surprises and I feel I'm on the right path.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Be prepared to do a 180 on many things you may have grown up believing.

It's ok to grow and learn and change your mind.

I'm fine the way I am. Beautiful too. So are you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion -Democritus

We are small. We are all Narcissists and the world is much bigger than us.

We can't even begin to comprehend.

I don't have all the answers. I know so little. I want to know more.

In this life I was meant to be an entertainer.

Science is where it's truly at. Stay in school and learn your mathematics! Please!

I want to come back as a metaphysicist and really make a difference.

We don't know what, if anything exists after death.

I'm of a much more postmodern mind than I ever thought I'd be.

I don't know how I feel about that.

I used to believe in everything until it was proven to be untrue.

I'm not sure I like my skeptical side.

It's okay to be youthful. No reason to stifle who you are and what makes you happy.

If you're doing what your entire being is telling you is right, you'll never be wrong.

The answer is always no if you don't ask.

Be brave. Be bold. Be the one you dream to be.

Stand up for yourself. Be assertive.

Never apologize for your art.

If you always look confident and in control and act like you love what you're doing

even when you don't, you'll never look foolish. If it's outside your comfort zone, commit to it.

People will always give you their opinion even when you don't ask for it.

No need to argue. Let it in one ear and out the other.

Humans can and do mate for life. It's just a matter of finding your true person.

Get as much out of life as humanely possible.

Our time here is very, very short.

Happy New Year!

Deena Marie

A blue dog no more...

How cool is this! Ha ha! The above pic (click for bigger image) is from a review of "Go Dog Go" on a site I'd never come across before called Volition Magazine here is the link to the full article : http://volitionmag.com/2009/12/10/salt-lake-acting-companys-go-dog-go/

I've been going on & on about how this show and role were among my favorites, particularly the scene where the dogs are at work. We each had different tools and I started out with two small hammers. As the dogs get tired and things slow down, I leave the stage and enter with a giant jackhammer (all props were one dimensional and made of wood, very bright and cartoon like) that "bounces" me and the others all around the stage. It's something you'd just have to have seen but I think I'll miss it most of all! :)

Anyway, a huge thanks to Voilition for the mention of what was my favorite part. It's always a great feeling that someone else has noticed your work!

Show was a success, sold out nights, turning people away and having to add an extra show.

There is a possibility that SLAC will bring it back next year. I would love love love that!

So for now, Blue Dog is no more. Sad to say goodbye but I'm already busy with catching up on my video making, photo shoots and another news appearance!

Tomorrow morning I'll be back on the KUTV2 morning show! Maybe you'll see Jan? ;)

Two new videos are now uploaded on my 2 channels

youtube.com/BeanerLaRue

youtube.com/MissDeenaMarie

"Snookie from Jersey Shore: get the look"

"I Time Traveled to the 1920's"

Happy New Year!

xo Deena Marie

Strep

Merry Christmas to me, Sant brought me strep.

I'd just gotten over a bad cold last week and thought I was in the clear. Then sunday night all of a sudden I felt my tonsils getting swollen, throat started hurting, had the worst headache ever and feeling really hot. It literally came on in an instant. I tried to ignore it and tell myself it would be gone in the morning. But it wasn't.

Monday I just got worse and worse. I'm like a dude. I never ever want to go to the doctor. So you can imagine how I must have felt by the time my sweetheart got home from work and I said we should probably go. I was getting worried. I was so zapped of energy I was in tears. It was all I could do to get up and get in the car. I thought I better find out what was going on in case I spread it to my cast. Strep test came back positive and they gave me antibiotics. I woke up tuesday a little bit stronger and the aches, chills and hot feeling had gone...but I was still not myself. Still so drained. It was the difference between eating soup in bed, and going down to the kitchen to eat some and then back to bed.

It was so bad that I wasn't able to perform! It was a two show day! I can't tell you how hard that was. I could not stand it that the show was going on without me. Could. Not. Stand. It. It was devastating. I never expected this would ever happen, I've done shows sick and powered through. I never knew it would be this heartbreaking. I am so sad it's unreal. I think I've cried more in the last few days then I have all year.

When I'm performing in a show, it's everything to me. It takes up my energy, focus, life...I give 110% every time. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. The theatre, my cast, the paying audiences. I was determined to perform our two shows today. I woke up, did my makeup and hair and when I was done was so wiped out that I was once again, in tears. This is one of the hardest things I've gone through in a long time. I hate being in bed, I hate wasting time, I hate that I have no control over anything right now. I feel so terrible.

This blows. :(

Year end review!

Me & Noodles

Since it's almost time to say goodbye to 2009... let's take a minute to reflect on all the badass things that happened this year.

I'm not writing this blog for purely narcissistic reasons but because it's important to celebrate your successes! Especially for me, always in a state of wanting more and wondering what I can make happen next.

1.) Ford Fiesta Movement

I was one of 100 agents (over 4K applied) to drive the 2011 version of the fiesta for 6 months and complete monthly online missions. Lots of perks, lots of fun!

2.) NYC

7/8/9/ Youtube Gathering. Got to meet lots of youtubers in the flesh. Made true friends (extra special shoutout to John Raymond Barker of youtube.com/JerbyVids who I LOVE) and got to visit my old stomping grounds. Saw "Next to Normal" and "Hair".

3.) LA

Went to CA end of August for the premiere of Ester Bryms documentary on youtubers, "Butterflies". Got to make new friends and visit long lost ones. While I was there I was also one of six models to walk the runway for designer Jared Gold in his fierce collaboration with artist Joshua Petker in Gold vs. Petker at Social Hollywood.

4.) Pinups for Pups

I got to host Salt Lake Citys first ever Pinups for Pups event at club Bliss!

5.) Infantry Monologues

Got to play soldier Olivia Valorossa in "Infantry Monologues". Delivered a 40 page dramatic monologue and loved every minute of every performance.

6.) Runway

Celebrity model for "IN" Magazine's first ever "Fashion Night Out". Walked the runway at The Depot for Vintage Fox, Lolabella/JMR and Urban Outfitters.

7.) Countless photo shoots!

Thanks to the following brilliant photographers: Lauren Manzanares, Todd Collins, DC Snaps, Sunny Simkins, Lily Katherine, Vanessa Cheney, Oscar Veloz and Mike Kamanski!

8.) Pride Day

Got to play the Jack & Coke Lady and hang out with the "IN" Magazine booth. What a blast!

9.) Burlesque

Some of the most fun performing with the Voodoo Darlings ever was our two days of Pride performances and a benefit at Club Jam.

10.) Press

MTV's "It's on with Alexa Chung" showed a clip of "Twilight High School Musical"! Thanks to City Weekly, IN Magazine, SLTrib, Deseret News, Volition Magazine, Gavins Underground and many more online blogs who featured me this year. Including covers!

11.) City Weekly

For being so damn good to me and having me do a weekly video for cityweekly.net

12.) KUTV2

Getting to play Honey Bee 11/20 for the "New Moon" opening and interview 'Edward & Jacob'. Playing 'Sarah Palin' 12/09 and one more appearance as Lola and as myself promoting "Go Dog Go" at Salt Lake Acting Company. The morning news team has been more than amazing to me.

13.) Scene Maker

Performing at "IN" Mag's first Scene Maker Party, on my birthday 3/27 at Club Vegas

14.) Noodles

Lucky to have the worlds best and most beautiful pup.

15.) My sweetheart

I swear I love him more each day and am in constant awe that there was a person out there who would be so perfect for me.

16.) Ouch

Getting through a second surgery :)

17.) 1st Place

I won the Pinup Parking Lot pinup contest!

18.) TV

This one is bittersweet. You remember. VH1. "Scream Queens"

While I was a little (okay a lot) heartbroken...getting so close just makes me realize my time is coming. It IS just around the corner.

19.) Blue Dog

I'm having the time of my life in "Go Dog Go" as the Blue Dog at one of my favorite theatres, Salt Lake Acting Company

20.) New Projects

I'm so lucky and excited to begin working on new projects in 2010!

Playing Sor Juana Inez de la Cruz in the world premiere of "Amerigo", appearing in Banned / Slammed. Youtube collaborations with people you know and love and will be surprised to see.

And of course, YOUTUBE! A successful follow up to "Twilight High School Musical", we shot "New Moon: The Musical" and made it even bigger and better! A shoutout from Michael Buckley aka youtube.com/Whatthebuckshow jumped me up in subscribers an extra 10k. What a selfless and kind thing for him to do!

So much more happened this year but this is all that's coming to me right now...if I've forgotten you it's NOT on purpose!

I want so much in this next year. So much to do so little time. I'm hopeful. There are some new directions I'm thinking of taking. Some new interests and priorities that have surprised me most of all. We'll see how things unfold next...

xoxo

Deena Marie

Want MORE Jack & Coke Lady?

Great news, you beautiful bitches!

You're about to get a whole lot MORE of the Jack & Coke Lady!

As you know, http://www.youtube.com/BeanerLaRue is where she originated and will remain. Expect to see two collabs early in the new year... one with youtube celebrities you know and love and one with a local celebrity you'd never expect. Prepare to have your mind blown!

If you don't know, there is a local weekly paper called City Weekly here in town and I make a video each week for their website http://www.cityweekly.net The videos live at http://www.youtube.com/DeenaDoesCityWeekly so if you've come across that channel on youtube and been confused by what it is or what the videos are (they're pretty Utah specific) that's what it is!

Anyway! I've decided to put up a Jack & Coke lady video on the city weekly site monthly! Yup, that's right! This means there's about a 99.9% chance she will answer YOUR question!

Here's the big thing... remember your question has to be one ASKING ADVICE! Advice on anything but if you write it to say "Jack & Coke Lady, what's your favorite color?" etc. Those obviously can't be used. The point is an advice column, not ask the J&C Lady something about herself. It doesn't matter if you need real advice, if you ask on behalf of a friend or make up something crazy. The J&C Lady can't exist without you!

***LOCAL PEOPLE HIGHLY ENCOURAGED TO WRITE IN!***

Spread the word and keep the questions coming in!

Where do you ask your question??? HERE:

jackandcokelady@hotmail.com

Cheers, bitches!

Deena Marie